Today is the day that my grandmother is going to die. We are playing a waiting game waiting for her to pass. She is currently in hospital, drugged up to her eyeballs to make her feel no pain. She has double pneumonia and a broken hip. My mother’s currently in hospital with her along with her brother some of her cousins and my second cousin.

I am prepared for this. It sounds really horrible, but I’m feeling very little at the moment, when she passes I won’t be sad because it’s the nicest thing for her right now. 

I’m only not looking forward to being everyone’s shoulder. I understand it is my roll in this, I am the one who naturally looks after the family emotionally. It’s just coming around at a bad point in respects to my life and school. I hope that people won’t judge me for seeming emotionless, it’s just that I’ve dealt with all my feelings behind closed doors and when I want to let people see me get upset, I will.